Open Letter To Feminist Male Allies

​You’re a Decent Guy. You’ve read some Feminism 101 and you know why it’s not okay to call women and non men bitches or threaten to rape them. You are better than the protozoa of Reddit, 4chan, Twitter, and YouTube. You are not a literal Nazi. You know that in 2017 America that makes you one of the Good Ones. You probably even have female friends. But men, I have a complaint I must lodge. 

Sometimes you do this thing. Maybe you think it’s a helpful thing. It’s this thing where you point out a thing that’s sexist. You say, “Notice this sexist man or news story or quote or video game or cake decorating contest!” Perhaps you add a terrible joke or simply a laugh, so we know you are Not Like That. Maybe you tell us Not All Men or tell men, “Look at this bottom feeding level we’ve managed to better than.”  And you pat yourselves on the back for rising slightly above child abusers and murderers. 

And you feel good about that thing. You don’t consider that the entire exchange was meaningless and performative, for your benefit at our expense. It did no measurable good yet forced me to engage with more sexist content – and your easy, detached male laughter – as pretend gifts I did not ask for, do not want, and would return if I could. 

Stop making me experience more sexism in the name of 101 “awareness”. I’m aware of misogyny, doucheface. Your job is to reduce the burden I bear, not to overload me more. Go confront men. Create filtered lists and hide women if visual displays of crude misogyny are the only tool you have. Don’t increase our allostatic load. 

Misandry humor is not for men: men’s use of it is always theft. You don’t get to laugh at fedoras because that laughter is not the armor you had to build to protect yourself from a million rape threats and you didn’t EARN IT no matter how cool with the girls you think you are.

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