LGBT vs Polyamory 3/4

Image via Newsweek

Same sex marriage was not federally legal one whole day before I heard cishet polys whining that they weren’t lumped into the case as well. Some claimed they were the “last” group still having to fight for rights. To say it was obnoxious would be a grave understatement.

Some even convinced themselves that by overturning a ban on same sex marriage, the Supreme Court gave queers more rights than them, failing to understand that all we got was the existing heterosexual right to one marriage at a time. Yet cishet polys were put out that queers had not fought and won their battle for them. Sadly I see this in many contexts, like whites who want Black Lives Matter to focus equal attention on whites killed by cops, but who won’t do the work of supporting BLM, or men who expect feminists alone to address all the ways patriarchy harms men too.

The LGBT fight for equality is not done. Marriage was never our only concern and while I’m glad we have it, I know the burdens of hatred, homelessness, and suicide we carry. I know we still face housing and employment discrimination. I know we are victims of sexual assault and stranger violence at higher than normal rates. I don’t know these things about people who have a preference for non monogamy.

When queer people petitioned for marriage rights, they were seeking equality: the same rights as everyone else. Plural marriage would not be the same. Two person marriage, divorce, alimony, and custody precedents are long established and changing “husband and wife” to “spouse 1 and spouse 2” was a minor alteration.

Repealing anti bigamy laws, and crafting new laws to wrestle with a three way divorce are not matters of equality. They’re requests for extra and more than the norm. That doesn’t mean they’re wrong or unworthy, but it does mean that the fight for poly marriage must be its own fight.

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