This morning an awful advice piece is making the rounds on social media. Published at “Modern Man” this article is chock full of ancient sexist entitlement, updated to harass modern women with smartphones. The title “How To Talk To a Woman Wearing Headphones” hints at just how bad it’s going to be. Unread it and hated it so much I have to say so.
These days, many women walk around playing with a smartphone or tablet device and are often wearing headphones and listening to music at the same time.
Yes, these days women can communicate with friends, listen to music, and play games while we’re out. We have a full range of desirable activities at our disposal.
Yet, that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to them.
It means you shouldn’t! A woman listening to headphones is not available for chit chat or flirting. She’s busy already doing something. Interruptions are rude. So you can disturb, bother, and interrupt women but you shouldn’t.
Of course, not all women are open to being approached because not all women are single and looking.
Ha. Ha. Ha. Because single and looking totally means not having standards or preferences or your own criteria; it means you want guys you’d never swipe right on in a dating app to force you to interact with them face to face! Looking for any partner means looking for the jackasses who will take this advice! Except of course, it doesn’t.
However, if a woman wearing headphones is single and hoping to meet a boyfriend (or even a new lover), she will usually be happy to take off her headphones to give you an opportunity to create a spark with her.
What if I told you some women are gay? I have to imagine it would be a shocking revelation to the author, who seems to think women come in two varieties: claimed by another man, of simply dying to be cold call flirted with. Women with standards or sapphism are completely written out. You might say “Why do you care Angie?” I care because this jerk off is telling other men that I want them without so much as a single disclaimer that some of us never want men.
Wanting a lover != wanting unsolicited dudes. I’m pretty sure straight women feel the same about that unsolicited part.
Her taking off her headphones doesn’t always mean that she is super interested and wants you to ask for her number or anything serious like that. Sometimes, it’s simply a cause of her being open to what you’ve got to say.
Maybe she only took them off to establish if you have a good reason to talk to her, or to check if you’re trying to tell her something important (like “the bus doesn’t run on Sundays” to a woman at a stop.)
If you are able to create a spark with her and build up her attraction and interest for you, she might then be interested in giving you her phone number or even fully turning off the music to have a coffee or bite to eat with you to get to know you even more.
Or she might not! Don’t worry fellas. Her feelings won’t be taken into account. No emotional labor for you!
Here’s how a woman’s attraction for a man works and how you can use that to get her to want more than just a quick conversation with you.
Warning: the following has jack to do with attraction and everything to do with gendered socialization. Remember, she didn’t even want “just a quick conversation” in the first place, as evidenced by headphones.
1. Stand in front of her (with 1 to 1.5 meters between you).
2. Have a confident, easy-going smile.
3. If she hasn’t already looked up at you, simply get her attention with a wave of your hand. Wave your hand in her direct line of vision so she can see it.
1-3: Force that busy woman to acknowledge you! Because you matter and whatever she chose to do doesn’t. Wave your hand obnoxiously in her face and demand she looks at you!
4. When she looks at you, smile and point to her headphones and say, “Take off your headphones for a minute” and pretend to be taking headphones off your head, so she fully understands what you mean.
If she doesn’t understand that you want her to briefly take off her headphones, simply gesture that you want to talk to her by pointing back and forth from you to her and say, “I want to talk to you for a minute.”
4 Fucking boss her around! Don’t waste time with words like “please” when you can act like an entitled asslord and simply command her to listen to you. Also notice how the author continually uses the word “want” to address his male audience’s desires, but only talks about what women “are open to”. This is about what men want that women will tolerate, not desire.
In most cases, you won’t have to go to that extreme, but some girls are shy and will be hesitant about taking their headphones off initially.
Remember ladies, shyness is the only reason not to immediately comply with the orders of a strange and bossy man.
If she doesn’t want to take off her headphones, it’s probably a good sign that she doesn’t want to talk to you, so just respect that.
Omg the one good statement in this whole drawn out affair. Don’t worry, he’ll undercut and erase it soon enough. After all, the entire premise of this article is that it’s okay, valid, possibly even every man’s right to ignore the first good sign she didn’t wanna talk: her headphones.
5. If she takes off her headphones to talk to you, do what we call “Acknowledging the Awkwardness” by quickly mentioning something about the potential awkwardness of the movement (see the conversation example below), to demonstrate you understand that approaching a woman in this way isn’t the most common of experiences for either party.
5. If it’s so awkward, maybe don’t do it. ” Hi i know this violates socially acceptable behavior, but I want to do it anyway” doesn’t undo the awkwardness for her one jot. Believe it or not, entitled men treating all women in public as sexual products for sale or prey to be hunted or free emotional labor dispensers is common. It may be a new and novel experience for the man extracting attentions from an unwilling woman, but she’s been sick of it since high school. The experience of unsolicited male attention is both awkward and exceedingly frequent.