Long Winded Men and GIFs

You know this guy, the one who can’t post a comment shorter than a paragraph. Nine out of ten of his replies start with the words “Well actually…”. He fancies himself a philosopher, a scientist, and a theologian based on what he absorbed watching YouTube videos. 

He has all the answers, and he’s going to explain them to you. In detail. No matter how little you want him to. Sometimes (often!) he’s wrong, but he won’t let a little matter like factual accuracy get in the way of his pontification. He needs to emote at length, and he needs you to be his audience, villain, and foil. 

You may be tempted to debate him, to take his points one by one to prove he’s making things up or just plain wrong. When he assures you women could have equal pay if only they stop would stop choosing undervalued work, you may want to respond with data showing that simply isn’t true. Nothing could make him happier.

We’ve all heard ” Don’t feed the trolls!” It’s a clever online trick for holding people in minority populations responsible when majority group members treat them horribly; you must have done something to make him hit you. If you just ignore bullies, they’ll stop. It’s not even true. Trolls target people; people don’t attract trolls. 

So if calm reasoned debate is out, and ignoring assholes is no deterrent to them, what’s left? I’m glad you asked. What remains is mockery and the precious treasure that is GIFs. You see, long winded men want to waste your time. They want to exploit you for emotional labor.  They’re getting something out of your efforts to dissuade them. 

But GIFs are short, and easy, and mock him. When he angry types a four paragraph comment and you respond with a clip from Mean Girls, he’s wasted more time and effort on the interaction than you have. (Mean Girls is a TROVE of misandry potential, from “It’s never gonna happen” to “Why are you so obsessed with me?”) These short cut pop culture references let you express how unimpressed with his bloviating you really are, while sharing a laugh and an in-joke with friends. 

So, the next time a long winded man dumps paragraphs at your feet, laugh at him. With GIFs. 

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