Hobbies Include…

I never knew how to answer questions about my hobbies. The word seemed to suggest a more structured or purposeful activity than the video gaming, internet browsing, and Netflix inhaling I do for leisure, yet not as properly organized as school band and little league. Hobbies also seemed to me to involve purchased supplies or materials: crafting, or model train building. At the end, there’d be some art or collection to show. 

My pastimes are plentiful, especially if I consider them over time. I’ve enjoyed swing dancing, Dungeons and Dragons, and training my cat to touch his nose to mine on command. (The command is “Boop!”). Between my disabilities and single mom life, it’s easy to forget I do some things just for fun, so I’ve decided to make a list I can refer to on harder days. 

  • Passive aggressively saying ” love and light” to crunchy moms
  • Taking screenshots of threads I know will soon be deleted
  • Tricking men into thinking I have gold eyelids and shiny lips with the witchcraft of cosmetics
  • Drinking full calorie soda straight from the aluminum can
  • Choosing lower traffic routes to avoid catcalls
  • Screaming obscenities at drivers
  • Being queer at school functions 
  • Hating that fake Victorian couple with their blog 
  • Getting teens off my lawn by being an awkward adult in their presence
  • Roaming the aisles of the grocery store, wailing in indigestible despair
  • Refusing to die for marginal taxpayer savings
  • Smashing patriarchy
  • Encouraging women to dump their loser boyfriends
  • Melting the frozen peaches of bigots with my flaming gay block button
  • Telling men not to be so emotional online
  • Avoiding men offline
  • Surrounding myself with queer misandry 
  • Fighting to cure allism. For their own good of course.
  • Vaccinating my family against disease
  • Eating GMOs
  • Teaching my son to question and reject toxic masculinity
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