How Misandry Saved Me

Content warning: this post mentions verbal abuse

I was living with a man who verbally abused me, stole from me, and wouldn’t work. I was throwing up several times a day and smoking all the weed I could just to keep from screaming in panic. I was too sick to play with my son and I spent most of each day hiding in the bathroom so my boyfriend couldn’t abuse me. I was working at a job where I was routinely exposed to masturbation and unwanted dick videos (I was supposed to be teaching them English by video chat but penises are notoriously poor language learners.)

In short, I was miserable, and it was all because of men. A few of my friends started joking and sharing memes about misandry, mocking the pitiful fools who actually imagine men are a persecuted gender. I started a private social media group for us where we could embrace misandry, vent about our struggles, and never hear the words “not all men”.

And something amazing happened. One by one, we left abusers. We came out of the closet. We turned to each other in times of need and supported each other with grace and generosity. We started therapy and medication, got new jobs, moved to new places. We encouraged each other to take risks, and made those risks bearable and safe enough to take. We helped each other grow.

I started complaining about my boyfriend in a space where I could, and once I could put it into words, I could see it for what it was. I also started talking about my quietly queer thoughts, and instead of being told I was seeking male attention, I had my experiences and perceptions validated. I was able to come out of the closet, and leave an abusive man, thanks to misandry.

Deciding, even in jest, “No, I’m not going to prioritize you. I’m not going to put you first. I’m not going to consider male feelings about women’s safety. I’m DONE.” It changed me. It made me stronger, more self-assured, and finally able to stand up for myself and say I deserved better. Misandry to me is a community of women and non-men who support each other above the interests of men. It’s revolutionary and extraordinary and it’s what I have to thank for everything going right in my life now.

Throwing off decades of social training to accommodate men was what it took for me to stop dating them even though I don’t like them. That’s how deep the conditioning goes. Misandry is an antidote to the poison we’ve been spoonfed all our lives. I’m grateful for it.

One thought on “How Misandry Saved Me

  1. The problem I have is, I want to sympathize, but I feel slightly hypocritical. As though I’m supporting dislike and prejudging of a group. I dislike and am dissatisfied with a lot of male/female interactions. The way men and women are supposed to talk to each other, the things they are supposed to do for each other. The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Men and women are different and are taught to be even more different from one another, but I don’t think men and women need to be taught systems on how to treat each other. I’ve learned about women from experience. I believe I’ve felt true sympathy for women and the challenges they face which men don’t necessarily, or at least as much as I can. I sympathize with misandry, but like I explained, if I’m “mis” anything, it’s mis-“traditional, systematic male-female relationships”.


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