I think it’s safe to assume we’ve all met or dated a guy eager to tell us about how his ex done him wrong. Maybe she’s crazy. Maybe she’s a bitch. Maybe she won’t let him see his kids. Maybe she’s not even his ex yet but he wants you to console him (sexually) because his wife just doesn’t understand him.
I am absolutely not talking about reports of abuse in this post, but the common and vague complaints already mentioned. Reports of abuse should be believed and taken seriously in general, because false reports are a fraction and the consequences for disbelief are high. I want that perfectly clear. I am not talking about men who are abuse victims/survivors.
When I met my ex-husband he told me about his ex-girlfriend, how she was crazy and emotional. He didn’t tell me that he was what drove her to it. I had to learn that the hard way, after his bad and abusive behavior turned me into an emotional and crazy wreck, after he killed everything in me that loved him, so that all I had left was my anger.
I am absolutely sure that today I’m the crazy bitch ex he warns new partners not to be. I am certain he uses the son he endangered, stole from, and has never once paid child support for as a story to elicit sympathy; his crazy bitch ex-wife won’t let him see “his” son. I know we are the set dressing in the trap he uses to ensnare his victims.
I urge caution in believing these stories at first blush. We all tend to remember ourselves as better behaved than we are, and for abusers this is especially true. If someone is expounding at length about the many sins of their former lover, without including abuse among those sins, at best they are not ready to begin dating anew. At worst, like my ex they were themselves abusive. Their stories are lies.
If a man can’t or won’t stop complaining about the woman he dated before you, it’s probably best to slip away while you can. If he is using sexist language or stereotypes in his speech, run. Run faster. It is only a matter of time before he casts you in the role of villain in his next tale. Leann Rimes put it best. “Crazy women are made by crazy men.”