Suing For Peace

If my tummy was this flat, loving it wouldn't be so hard

You do not have to love your body.  You do not have to celebrate your body.  You can declare a truce with your body. You can sue for peace in this war you were conscripted in. You can call for a cease fire.

I admire the body acceptably movement, but as a disabled person, liking my body has extra challenges involved. Far too often the alternative to judging your body on its appearance is to judge your body by what it can do.  But my body can’t do all the things a typical 33 year old body can.

What’s more, my body is always changing.  In the short term, digestive bloating, nausea, and water retention make my weight constantly cycle between a twenty pound range. I don’t love that my body can’t pick a dress size and stay there. I have learned to accept it.

Acceptance isn’t love. It isn’t celebration. It’s a stage of grief, of mourning the healthy and fit body I will never have. Acceptance feels a lot more attainable.

I am also getting older. If I follow family pattern, my first gray hairs should crop up any day now. My first wrinkles have already appeared. I’m open to the changes I know are coming, but I expect it will take time to adjust to each change, to accept my new face and body.

It’s easier for me to plan on getting used to my body,  not loving it. By the time I learn to love my looks, they will have changed. Love isn’t my goal. Respect is.

I can treat my body with respect even when I don’t love the way it looks. I can feed it and clean it, take it to the gym and send it to bed, because I respect its needs. I don’t have to punish my body. That’s revolutionary enough.

If you feel like you can’t love your body, and if pressure to do so is only making things worse, try suing for peace instead. When you’re at war, when you see your body as an enemy, you need peace more than you need love. Love can grow from peace, but first you need a cease fire. And sometimes peace is enough.

One thought on “Suing For Peace

  1. I found you via someone sharing your post about the gun posturing, and now I’m reading other posts and had to comment in 100% support here. I love that so many people – particularly women – are getting into loving their bodies and I’m happy for them, but I don’t like the backlash effect of people lecturing me that I MUST LOVE MY BODY AND DECLARE MYSELF BEAUTIFUL, and that if I don’t I’m somehow letting down the entire body positive movement.

    That’s like old school feminists who slammed you for being a stay at home mom and didn’t understand that the point was CHOICE.

    What we need to end is lookism in general, the judging of others by what we perceive as, to be blunt, fuckability. The idea that I will value that person on whether or not they are attractive to me and my set of ideals. The choruses of “Ewwwww!” if someone shows a clip of a fat person revealing their stretch marks. That crap has to go because who cares what someone else looks like? Do your own thing and dress how you want to dress and be you, don’t enslave yourself to other people’s ideals, and be happy the way you want to be.

    But part of that is that I get to slap on a nerdy shirt and basic pants and go about my day without having to worry about being “beautiful”. I need other women to stop telling me that I have to celebrate my beauty because I do not have the time, energy, or desire for that. Celebrate my intellect. Celebrate my artistic endeavors. But stop telling me that I need to care about my looks because I don’t want to and I shouldn’t have to.

    So booyeah to you for this post and an otherwise great blog. You’re rocking it. Keep doing the good things you’re doing!


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